How to Balance Your Previous Identity with Your New Faith

﷽

“Who Are You Really?”

If I asked you to tell me about yourself, what’s the first thing you’d say? Is it your name, your ethnicity, age, profession, or your religion? Would you tell me who you were before finding Islam, or after? Your decision to revert is incredibly profound because it has a life-changing impact. That’s not just in the practical sense, as you begin to pray and dress modestly, but also in terms of your internal world: your purpose, your roles, relationships, and your identity. Entering Islam is not just a lifestyle change, it’s a multi-faceted transformation of your heart, your mind, and who you are as a whole.

Stuck Between Two Worlds

Your sense of identity is complex and ever-changing. Your family, upbringing, environment, hobbies, interests, friends, and almost everything in your life impacts your identity. No wonder why many reverts at the start of their journey to Islam feel spiritually and emotionally disconnected from themselves or their communities. They’re experiencing a seismic shift in their views and definitions of themselves, which many describe as being stuck between two worlds: the one you belonged to and the one you’re now entering. 

This process of re-finding yourself after accepting Islam might feel daunting, so I want to remind you of a beautiful verse:

"Surely those who say, 'Our Lord is Allah,' and then remain steadfast, the angels descend upon them, ˹saying,˺ 'Do not fear, nor grieve. Rather, rejoice in the good news of Paradise, which you have been promised.'"[^https://quran.com/fussilat/30]

Find strength in knowing that your choice to believe that Allah, the Almighty, is the only true God, is described by Him as a courageous and noble act. Although it may feel like your worlds are colliding and that you’re stuck at the boundary of who you were and who you are becoming, trust me when I say that we can bridge those two places and unify them cohesively, so you can thrive and become the best version of yourself. 

A Newborn Adult

Life as a revert has many aspects that feel brand new and maybe even foreign. It can be compared to life as a newborn. In fact, that’s exactly how reverts are considered in terms of their past sins; once they revert, their sins are erased completely, as if they were a newborn again. This metaphor doesn’t only apply to your sins, it can also be used to understand the experience of overwhelming pressure that many reverts feel to build a new identity from scratch. In the midst of the chaos, you might forget that being a revert is an identity in and of itself, and a challenging one at that, so you need to give yourself the credit for taking on this incredible, commendable challenge of reconciling the two versions of you that exist. The question becomes, how exactly do you do that?

“I Have to Abandon Everything From My Past”

You might be thinking, “I have to abandon everything from my life before Islam—all my culture, friends, habits, hobbies, and identity to be able to integrate the new aspects of myself.” One of the hardest parts about reverting is feeling like you have to give up parts of yourself that contradict with Islamic guidelines, but that’s not an easy task. You might be struggling to let go of things that feel intrinsic to who you are if they conflict with Islam. You might feel like you need to adopt certain types of friends, or a certain style of fashion, hobbies, or way of carrying and expressing yourself in the world. 

Think back to the first time you learned that a beloved hobby of yours does not align with Islam. Maybe it was wearing clothes you felt truly expressed your personality but didn’t meet modesty guidelines, or going partying with friends. How did you feel? You might have felt a bit of panic followed by an internal conflict: “This is how I’ve always shown who I am. It makes me feel confident and free” or “dancing and music is my favourite type of exercise and how I connect with others and express myself.” It is normal to mourn the loss of something that brings you joy. It feels like you’re making the greatest sacrifice and you might think it’s too burdensome. 

“Allah Knows and You Do Not Know” 

Before you spiral into doubt, I want to remind you that Allah is The Most Loving and The Most Wise. He says in the Qur’an:

“...Perhaps you dislike something which is good for you and like something which is bad for you. Allah knows and you do not know.”[^https://quran.com/al-baqarah/216] 

A defining feature of human arrogance is our belief that we know everything and that we can make better decisions for ourselves than what Allah, The Almighty, has commanded for us to do. You just have to understand that our limited knowledge makes us susceptible to error, while He is The Absolute Truth and is therefore absolutely free from the capacity to make mistakes. 

You must be convinced with utmost certainty that Allah does not prohibit anything to merely control your life or to restrict you from enjoyment. His commands are out of divine mercy and because He has infinite wisdom and knowledge, that we humans simply cannot acquire. 

“I Feel Burdened by the Pressures”

Here’s your fool-proof plan for when you start to feel burdened by Islamic guidelines that prohibit things you felt were integral to your identity before Islam: 

1. Remind yourself that Allah, the Almighty does not prescribe any commands without wisdom behind them. 
2. You are leaving that thing for something better, even if you don’t know what that better thing is. 
3. Anticipate the reward knowing that you are letting go of, or replacing something that displeases Allah with something that pleases Him.
4. Remember that being tested, in our sacrifice and self-restraint in this case, is the entire purpose of our life on earth. This is not our eternal home—we are merely passing through to get to our grand goal of being granted Heaven, by Allah, The Almighty.

You Can Still Be Yourself 

Don’t fall victim to the myth that Islam takes away your spark or that it suppresses your passions and personality. It is possible to still be yourself and do things you enjoy or feel like are defining parts of your identity after reverting.

The Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him), advised his companions, “Make things easy and do not make them difficult. Give glad tidings and do not repel people.”[^https://dorar.net/en/ahadith/59]

Islam does not intend to complicate your life with prohibitions and rules, instead its purpose is to guide you into becoming the best version of yourself in this world. If you enjoyed listening to music before Islam, you can listen to nasheeds, which bring a different type of peace to your mind. If you loved dressing a certain way but can no longer do so in public, you can still enjoy those outfits at home or when spending time with your female friends.

On Your Journey to Your Best Self, Allah is by Your Side

As you navigate the changes in your life and as your identities mesh and develop, remember that you are still you—the only difference is that you are now on a path that purifies, strengthens, and uplifts you, and that most importantly, you always have Allah to turn to when you feel lost.

In a Sacred Hadith, Allah says, “Whoever comes to Me walking, I will come to him running.”[^https://sunnah.com/bukhari:7405]

Yes, your journey will be full of changes and it will be challenging at times, but there’s power in knowing that Allah is by your side, witnessing every change you make in an effort to please him and to become a purer, stronger version of the person you once were.