How to Tell Your Family You’ve Converted to Islam: A Practical Guide

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Accepting Islam is a new and emotional event that is bound to bring about new changes within a person's life. With these big changes, also come the challenges of having to practice in front of family members, as well as explaining to them what has gotten you to that point. Unfortunately, many reverts find that their families only know Islam for its negative stereotypes, leading to difficult or disheartening reactions upon hearing about the reversion. 

This sparks a very common and important question: “How can I tell my family about my conversion?”

It is crucial to assess the family dynamic and beliefs within the home, as it will allow you to brainstorm proper ways to approach your family. What religious beliefs do they subscribe to? What political ideologies do they have? Do you have a history of abuse? These questions are critical in determining the next steps.

Keep in mind that this new change will bring about a rollercoaster of emotions for your family too, who may find it hard to understand and cope with the news. Therefore, it is advised that you empathize with them and keep an open mind to any questions they may ask. Doing so can help ease the tension and help you navigate them through this tough time. Your approach can also shine some light on the beauty of Islam through your good manners.

How Can I Prepare Myself Mentally?

Before taking any action, it is important that you are emotionally ready and that your faith is strong enough to combat any negative reactions you may receive. Building one's faith is unique to each individual as some approaches may work for some and not for others. My advice is that you do not bombard yourself with books that contain heaps of terminology you are not yet familiar with, nor any lectures that require some knowledge beforehand. As a new revert, you are in a wonderful yet vulnerable position, which means that you must progress at a steady pace. 

When it comes to preparing oneself for potential reactions, it is important that we refer to some of the companions of the Prophet (peace be upon Him) who were also (like you) reverts. Many of the companions suffered after they accepted Islam and coped in different ways. Referring to their stories may bring your heart at ease, strengthen your faith, and influence you. 

Bilal ibn Rabah was a slave owned by Ummayah ibn Khalaf and at the time, had accepted Islam. Abu Jahl, a friend of Ummayah ibn Khalaf, requested permission to punish Bilal for his acceptance of Islam. He would whip Bilal all night, he would lay him down on scorching sand and put rocks on top of him to pin him down, and he would be tied to horses made to run. Despite all of this persecution, Bilal remained strong in his faith.

Asiya (the wife of Pharaoh) had converted to Islam after hearing Moses’ message and held firmly to her new faith. When Pharaoh had found out that she had accepted Islam, he began torturing her and killed her. At that time, Pharaoh had demanded that he be worshipped as God and if anybody were to worship any other God they would be tortured to death. 

This goes to show that for centuries Muslim reverts have shown continuous resilience and determination for their faith. As a result, these individuals were honoured and rewarded by Allah.

When Should I Tell My Family About My Conversion?

One should preferably tell their family about their conversion at a time when everybody is relaxed, calm, and together. Unfortunately, this is not the case for most reverts, so how do we navigate around this challenge? If you have any siblings, close relatives that you trust or have a good relationship with one parent, it is best you go to them first before anybody else. Confide in them and seek further advice regarding how you can work together to tell the rest of the family. Having told at least one person will bring great ease to the heart while making the process of telling more people much easier. 

Should you take the direct or gradual approach? If your family members tend to be unpredictable, it is advised that you take the gradual approach to observe their reactions towards subtle signs. Their reactions will help you determine whether telling them at the current time is a good or a bad idea.

If you are a minor under the age of 18, financially unstable, in school and have a bad family dynamic, it is not advised that you tell your parents about your conversion, as this can bring about certain welfare risks. Instead, you can tell a friend, sibling, or close relative that you trust for extra support. However, if it is not an option to tell anyone due to the fear of negative reactions, joining certain online revert groups, clubs, or Islamic lessons at your local mosque may be alternative options. Finding connections outside of family and friends can allow for you to meet new people and make new friends, providing extra support during this tough time.

Addressing Their Questions and Concerns

Without a doubt, you will be bombarded with questions that you may or may not know how to answer. Therefore, it's a good idea to familiarize yourself with basic knowledge to answer questions confidently and combat any negative stereotypes your family may have about Muslims. 

Some frequently asked questions include:

• Who was Muhammad?
• Does Islam condone terrorism?
• Why do women cover themselves?

Where Can You Go to Seek More Knowledge?

Seeking knowledge can seem intimidating at first due to the vast variety of sources and scholars. The best way to start is by confiding with your local mosque, as they may hold lectures you can attend and an imam you can approach with any questions. Some mosques also have small libraries where Islamic books are sold. Additionally, you can always ask the imam and those holding the lectures if they can give you any sources for you to broaden your knowledge. 

Considering everything said above, the next steps are up to you. Opening up about your reversion is not easy, but it is definitely worth it. Keep in mind that your safety and well-being should always come first. Many organizations seek to help reverts during their journey, such as Revert Reach, which is designed to help Muslim reverts combat day to day struggles by helping them build a community.